Le Reve (The Dream)
I am remembering a younger me. I was nine as I imagined this time, then fourteen, then twenty-one, then twenty-seven and suddenly I am where I had dreamed. It was an expanse, a mysterious one, like the thought as a young boy of who I would marry eventually. This dream was what would be the flavor of that expanse of time of my family life, as a father and husband. I pictured it in dramatic terms, most likely. I wondered about what kind of events would fill up this time, who would I become once I got to this point, and what would I do once there, once living in the expanse known as adulthood, father and husband-hood.
I think now that one of the most important things to do is to keep reading and discovering and being active because it helps lift myself from a sort of unconscious living, something that I fear, is avoided. And yet that isn’t much of a story, is it? What about the image of adulthood before getting to it? What was the context of these times that I was dreaming about the future? As a kid, the context was suburbia, bright Southern California sky, a Mar Vista California street. It was also the rolling hills and sagebrush and coyote howls of Temecula California in the late 1970s and early eighties.
But I think also it was other places, much more far off, like Geneva Switzerland, or walking along a road in the South of France in my early twenties. I see now how important it was for me to have left the trail and headed out into the unknown. So important because once you’ve done that you long for the unknown trail and are unafraid of it.